I Survived SDCC, And All I Got Was Jet-Lag

Speaking as a pilot with nearly 2,000 hours, and hundreds of landings under my belt, I feel that I can say with a certain degree of authority that landings in large commercial aircraft, no matter how smooth, are totally freakin’ terrifying.

Part of that terror is just part of who I am -I have an active imagination and I can visualize all manner of horrific consequences to slamming a Boeing 747 (which weighs 395,000lbs EMPTY) into the ground. And when I say "slamming" I am being nice. I would say that the majority of landings that I have been subjected to are little more than controlled crashes in which one or more of the following always happens: I bite my tongue as my teeth smash together, I get jabbed in the face as the book I was holding in my lap lunges at me like an enraged Chihuahua, the plane swerves on the runway like a drunk trying to get home after last-call, and/or someone (possibly me) screams.

I remember a professor once telling me that in the long run I would not be happy in aviation because I was what he called a "creative thinker". He said that basically, most pilots were smart enough to do their jobs, but sort of handicapped in the imagination department -and mostly this was a good thing. Because, unlike me, they were somewhat unwilling or incapable of imagining all the horrific ways in which they could (and some would) die in an airplane.

At the time I thought, "Pfft, whatever." But, as usual, this professor knew exactly what he was talking about.

Anyway, blood on the runway. . . I’ve come to the conclusion that it is impossible to land a large aircraft. In the small puddle jumpers that I flew, you sort of hovered like a dragonfly a few feet above the runway, then glided down to the gentle "chirp-chirp" of the wheels making contact with the ground. When done right it was a thing of beauty.

Those big sky buses though are nothing short of flying apartment buildings, and every landing is essentially crashing on purpose. And this is why it has become my policy to drink heavily when I fly, regardless of how long the flight may actually be.

But you guys don’t care about that. You want to hear about SDCC right? Overall I have mixed feelings about it. Let me first say, it was the first vacation that I’ve had with my wife, for more than one night, since the Widget was born, nearly eight years ago. Unfortunately, we shared a room with friends, so it was no where near as exciting as it might have been. Still, we had a wonderful time hanging out with each other -something that us busy married people don’t often get to do. So in that respect- Best Vacation Evar .

As far as cons go SDCC is really sort of "Meh". For all of you who have never gone, and are sick and tired of hearing from everybody how you MUST GO -fuck that noise. If you have ever been to any official "Comic Con" or other large multi-day show, then feel free to never visit SDCC. It’s just bigger, more crowded, and it smells really, really bad. Like rotten cabbage and old balogne. And oh Christ the humidity! When you get there at 9Am it is freezing inside and dry as a bone. But within a few hours you are clammy, and covered in this tacky film, caused entirely by 100,000+ people, all breathing within a confined space. It’s disgusting. Everyone tells you that it’s this "must see spectacle". Maybe I was hoping for too much, but I expected to see midgets being shot out of cannons, cos-play fist fights, and show girls handing out free drink tickets. Needless to say, I was a little disappointed.

I tried to walk around, and I eventually saw most of the show, (I think). But it took 40 minutes to travel 40 feet! And good luck getting into any of the panels. You had to be at least 2 hours early to have a hope of being close enough to the head of a line so that you could get in to see a panel. The ONLY panel I was interested in seeing was the Ghostbusters 3 panel -with Dan Akroyd and Harold Ramis. So of course it was canceled.

This was easily the most expensive con I’ve ever done, with the worst sales I’ve ever had. So obviously that is biasing my opinion. I chock most of that up to our location in the Small Press Area. It’s just not a place art buyers go looking for pages or sketches. Maybe next year will be better in that regard. We sold a lot of Robo shirts, but since we were unable to restock after Toronto they were all gone pretty quickly. Regardless, that 80lb. suitcase devoted entirely to artwork, could have stayed in New Hampshire. Red5, however, sold almost 300 copies of the Robo Vol.1 TPB! That was every copy they brought!! They also sold quite a number of Vol.1 sets -the 6 individual issues.

I did manage to score MAD BOOTY! In the piratical sense I mean. I got a sweet new transformer named Bulkhead, a gorgeous Tachikoma, and the impossible to find Hellboy Sourcebook and RPG.

As always, the highlight of every show is meeting the people who are fans of Robo, and introducing new people to the book. Without doubt that always makes up for the crowded halls, the sickly stench geek musk, and the enormous cost of getting there, which could have gone towards useful things -like buying my $4 a gallon heating oil that I will need to survive the winter.

We met SO many Atomic Robo fans. That always makes you feel good. There is one in particular who stands out in my mind; she was this redheaded girl who had been at the Red5 table while I was away and came back to get her book signed. She was very quiet and seemed kind of nervous or shy. These people always give me the warm fuzzies. Unlike the obnoxious, too-loud dopes, who basically assume the own you because they bought your book, these people have to screw up the courage to come say hello. I can relate because I am the same way, and so they always make me smile.

Later that night I saw that same girl at the Eisners. I doubt she was there to see us. And I know she didn’t notice me looking at her. In some weird way this person totally calmed my nerves though. Well, her and five pre-awards gin & tonics totally calmed my nerves.

It was agony waiting for our category to come up. Partially this was the anticipation, and partially this was the fucking terrible magician guy who was sort of MCing the event. We did have fun playing the "How Drunk is Frank Miller? " game though.

Different people came up to announce and hand out awards and let me tell you, hearing the words, "Nominated for Best Limited Series, Atomic Robo, by Brian Clevinger and Scott Wegendger, published by Red 5 Comics. . ." roll off the velvet tongue of Samuel L. Jackson was mind blowing enough.

Yeah that’s right. Samuel. El. FUCKING Jackson.

Like thousands before him, he totally mangles my last name. Though in Sam’s defense, my name was clearly misspelled on the giant projection screen as well.

When we lost to Umbrella Academy this came to mind for some strange reason . (NSFW)

While Dorinda helped me drink my way through the pain on Friday she was probably more upset that me. It was less disappointment and more a smoldering rage. She’s cute like that. And violent. But while I had my wife to commiserate with, (and thank God she was there!), I really took comfort from that redheaded girl, and all the other people like her that I’d met, who just seek us out to say they like what we do.

When I put my own selfish desires aside, (FUCK I WANTED THAT EISNER . . .even if I did have to Google it when my publisher told me we were nominated), they’re really what it’s all about. So thank you guys, for making what Brian, Ronda, Jeff, and I do so rewarding. Maybe next year we’ll get that Eisner.

Dorinda took a butt load of pictures. I made a slide show so as not to destroy my web host. You can check it out here.

RANDOM SPLENDOR

Mary on Toronto -my pal Mary the Wretched talks about our recent trip to Toronto . Sort of.