“Computer, Oh Computer?”

Insert fake Scotish accent here:

You ever notice how Mac and PC users have this strange mutual contempt and loathing for one another? I own a little bit of both and I can’t decide which manufacturer blows chunks harder.

Sometimes when I turn my Inspiron on in the morning the screen is upside down, and and the mouse controls are turned 90 degrees to the right, so that up is left, left is down, etc. And its all upsidedown.

It takes a little while for me to figure out this is not a vision brought on by low levels of caffeine in my blood system, but in fact, a real problem. Luckily this happens often enough that I can literally fix it with my eyes closed.

Then there is my I-pod. I should note for the record that I never intended to buy an Apple product. For no other reason than the outrageous price tag attached to everything they make –at least 25% of which is a simple mark-up for the cool/geek prestige that goes with owning their stuff. Yeah. That’s right. Watch me rock out with my little white headphones. I got it for $10 –I won a raffle to raise money for breast cancer –(curing it I assume, not spreading it.)

My wife insists that she owns 50% of the I-pod because it was “our” money. I say I’d like to trade in my options on 7,000 issues of Vogue magazine, and a million gallons of unused beauty products that were also bought with “our” money, so she can fully own her girly swag and she can keep her fucking hands off MY I-pod.

Anyway, the first couple of times I decided to update I-Tunes (because it kept nagging me to do so) I was no longer able to get my Pod to interact with Tunes. Lots of reinstalling to fix the problem followed. Then several months ago Tunes just started ignoring Pod –no matter how many times I reinstalled. When I finally fixed the problem my music library was gone, and the archives were obliterated (I have no idea . . .). So there went about a bajillion songs.

I suppose there is the “Evil Corporate Empire” argument, but I don’t buy that one. True, Microsoft has done some ruthless things, and their success has naturally made people fear and distrust them. Apple ALWAYS takes the higher moral ground. Until now that is.

Steve Jobs, the philanthropists and humanitarian, who returned as Apple’s CEO for a dollar, is being investigated. He returned –I should note- because the company is based around his Cult of Personality and cannot survive without him. He’s like Bob Barker and the Price Is Right. Anyway, Steve-o seems to have back-dated the stock options he received when he took the CEO job for a buck. To the tune of several million bucks. Gee, what a swell guy. The investigation continues into weather what he did was illegal. But there is NO question that it was highly unethical.

I have no idea how Billy cooks the books at Microsoft, but he does give dump-trucks of money to charity and research foundations. Yes, I know he could burn money to stay warm in the winter. That’s not the point. Statistically, the richer people get the less they give.

On the Evil scales, I place both Bill and Steve at about the same point.

So to those of you who participate in the farcical Mac –vs- Microsoft debate I’d just like to say; Knock it off! Its fucking annoying. They both do the same things, and they both are about as reliable as my grandmother’s digestive track. As with a Mac or a PC, you just never know when she’s gonna shit the bed.

In further technology news, Gmail is messing with my head. It has (again) singled out a random person and deleted all of my correspondence with them.

The first time this happened I thought I’d taken a few too many pills that morning. Gmail Technical Support agreed. But then it happened again, with a close friend, who emails me about a baker’s dozen emails a day; everything from breaking world news, to new breakthroughs in slaughterhouse technologies.

Then I knew Gmail was up to something.

Well this morning, I decide to trek out through the woods to the Post Office and sent out the Perhapanaut’s commission I finished earlier this week (which is in the Inks Gallery now). And I can’t find a single record of the guy I did it for. I had “starred” no fewer than two of our conversations because then contained critical elements such as mailing addressed, etc.

So Brian, if/when you read this –I’m talking about you. I need your address again.

See, Gmail is like a computer (Mac or PC). It does fantastical and amazing things. It makes our lives easier on so many levels. It makes us feel high-tech and hip. Until it breaks. And since we have NO IDEA how it works, we lash out in a blind and terrified panic. Technology is a lot of fun. But we are so dependent upon it to make our daily lives convenient that its scary sometimes.

In other news, ATOMIC ROBO #3 is done and I’m approaching page 18 (pencils) for issue #4. I still have no idea when this is coming out. But it is. Promise.