‘Tis The Season To Go Postal

Fa la la la la, la la, la, la!

Man, does anyone else get sick and tired of all the running around at this time of year? Parties, visits, obligatory gift giving. I think my wife does less work at work, than she does on the weekends in December.

First, she and Widget drove waaaaaaaayyyy out to Bumfunk NH to see her sister. Now we almost never see Dorinda’s family, except for her father who we like, and see a lot of. But her sister was just dying to show Dorinda and Widget her new “camp”. And since this would be the most inconvenient time of year, it had to be done NOW.

Now what people who live in the backwoods of New Hampshire already, need a “camp” for, I have no Goddamned idea. I guess the 40 acres, 4 cars, motorcycle, power boat, canoe, satellite TV/sound system from hell, tractor, in-ground pool, Jacuzzi weren’t enough. There’s a sort of “He who dies with the most toys, wins,” mentality at work that I just don’t understand.

So they bought a second house. A “camp”. A cottage on a lake. I certainly don’t have a problem with a house on the lake. I mean, who doesn’t want to be crammed shoulder to shoulder with the other mouth-breathers around a lake that’s big enough for one party barge and a wake tube? But who buys a cottage twenty minutes down the road? That’s retarded on an industrial scale!

“Oh the weather’s terrible down here. Lets go to the lake . . .oh wait –I can see is from the driveway! I think its terrible there too.” AAAAGGGGGHHH!!!

Sometimes I wish Kennedy had been allowed to push the Big Red Button. The cosmos would be better off.

Anyway, Dorinda and Widget go to see the camp, and actually have a good visit with Dee’s sister. Mostly because her sister’s husband was absent. There’s a 16 year gap between my wife and her sister.

All of this takes the better part of the day, since from where we live it’s a 2hr drive in each direction, then she gets home, a quick stop to freshen make-up, and we’re off to a holiday party. That was fine except that we knew almost no one there. It was 90% the family of the woman hosting the party. Dee and I are both fairly shy in the real world, so we just sort of hovered in the corner for a few hours.

Or rather I did. Dee gets panicky, and she would randomly walk away from me. So I was ditched. Again and again by my own wife. Then she asks me “what’s wrong?” ever time I catch up with her. Gee I dunno? You keep abandoning me to the wolves ever five seconds maybe? Dee then proceeds to drink a bit too much and starts complaining to me about a particularly obnoxious pair of twins who just scream “missing chromosome”.

Now in her defense, these little brutes needs a good old fashion beating. I’m not talking a swat on the ass here. I’m talking; take those fuckers out behind the woodpile and beat them like the Ghost of Solomon were in ya. They were wearing what Dee accurately (and loudly) declared “matching Redneck Christmas Shirts”; big ugly red flannel things, that matched their big ugly red haired heads.

About the third time my wife commented on the Redneck Shirts I gave her a kick in the leg and whisper/yelled at her, “Shut up you idiot!” Waving my hand around at the rest of the party I continued, “these people share a common gene pool! You can’t bad mouth them in front of their aunts, uncles, and cousins!”

Dorinda’s defense was that A. she was right, and B. the hostess didn’t like the little monsters either. I would note that in my opinion, this is a defense that only a woman of my wife’s questionable mental stability could get away with.

You don’t walk into a mosque and yell “Allah wears a funny turban!” You can think it all you want, but don’t rent a freakin’ billboard to announce it to the world.

Jeeze!

So we make it out of that alive. Then yesterday we’re off to the SEE Center in Manchester NH. This is a VERY cool kids science museum, and unlike its much larger counterpart in Boston, its not mobbed all the time. The highlight for me was the ginormous Lego display, recreating the Amoskeag Mills in Manchester as the area looked circa 1915. Manch was a HUGE textile town in its day. And unlike most old mill towns in New England its making the transition into the 21^st century pretty gracefully.

I was extra stoked to figure out the video feature on my new camera and using some crappy freeware I’ve YouTubed it for your viewing pleasure. The quality is typical of YouTube. But the pics should look okay.